Six steps to a stress-free Valentines day

Valentine’s day doesn’t have to be fraught or anxiety-inducing says happiness author Nita Saini

Valentine’s day doesn’t have to be fraught or anxiety-inducing says happiness author Nita Saini

We probably have pre-conceived ideas about what makes us happy on Valentine’s day. If we’re already coupled up, spending time with our loved one in the most perfect romantic setting might be our desire; if we’re single, spending time with friends might be our preferred way to pass the evening, or we might wish that we had found that special someone. Whether you’re in a relationship or looking for ‘the one’, wouldn’t you like your Valentine’s day to be stress-free so that you can look back on it with fond memories? Look no further. Here are some tips that will increase your happiness levels, reduce stress levels and make this your best Valentine’s day ever!


Have you ever given a friend or a family member a birthday present or Christmas gift and when they seemed disappointed with your choice, it made you feel stressed? Looking back you may have said to yourself (or even to them), “if you’d have told me what you wanted I would have selected something different”. It’s the same with Valentine’s day. Make sure you communicate your expectations to your partner in a clear, loving way and also ask them what their expectations are. It doesn’t necessarily mean the day will go exactly as you wish it to. It does mean that you both have a chance of making the day better for both of you.


Try an affirmation like “Valentine’s day is going to be fabulous, it’s going to be the best ever.” If you frequently say/think positive affirmations, with feeling and sincerity, and fantasise about your life going the way you want it to, these affirmations will eventually become self-fulfilling prophecies that can help you.

Write your affirmations down on post-it notes to stick around the house, or have them as your computer screensaver, to act as a regular reminder. Whilst you’re at it, leave special, romantic notes for your loved one around the house too. It will make the build up to the day even more exciting!


A perfect evening, a perfect partner, can only ever be a fantasy. Being imperfect doesn’t mean we don’t do our best, but it means that if our or our partner’s plans don’t go exactly as hoped, we neither berate ourselves nor them! Tell yourself that whatever happens you will make the most of it.

Some people can be in a beautifully tended garden, and will only see the weeds, whereas others will appreciate the beauty and softness of the flowers, their vibrant colours and aroma. What do you choose to focus on, on this special day of love?


How does it make you feel when you think about things that you can’t do that you really want to do? Perhaps you’d love to spend Valentines day with your partner but they are working away from home? Or you’ve not been able to book a table at your favourite restaurant? Instead of focusing on what you can’t do, turn your thoughts to what you can do. You could plan to do something special when you finally get a chance to see each other again or book another restaurant. It’s not about where you are, it’s all about who you’re with and how you relate to each other.


Do you find yourself thinking: “What if Valentines doesn’t go as planned? What if, it turns out to be awful?” How we talk to ourselves, in our mind or out loud, effects how we feel. So, what if instead we imagine the day having a positive, uplifting outcome? Say: “What if it turns out even better than I could have imagined?” Our brain releases the same chemicals whether the mind imagines an event occurring, or the event occurs in reality. So get those feel-good juices flowing, and help reduce those stress levels.


When was the last time you said ‘thank you’ either in your mind, or even better, directly to your partner with sincerity for something that he/she had said or done, or for just being them? Say it with deep, wholehearted feeling now. Notice how you feel about your partner when you say this and notice how this uplifts you and helps you feel more upbeat.

However your Valentines day celebrations turn out, have fun. Create special memories for you to look back on. Whether we are in a relationship or are single the overriding desire is to be happy. Choose to be happy now!

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